A Trauma Healing Initial Equipping Session took place at Davao Evangelical Church from September 25 to 28, 2023. Among the participants was Ruth, a resident of Poblacion, Davao City. She has been married for seven years, something she holds dear to her. During the Trauma Healing session, she entered the venue heavy-hearted; her marriage is on the brink of being torn apart. Little did she know that on that day, God would answer one of her silent prayers.
“Actually, hindi ako nag-expect dahil sa naging experience ko. Monday morning, I was praying na ‘Lord, ano mang mangyari ngayon sa araw na ito, sana makatulong sa akin’’” (Actually, I didn’t expect anything because of my previous experiences. [On] Monday morning, I was praying, ‘Lord, whatever happens today, I hope that it will help me.) This was what she shared at the beginning of the interview.
At first, Ruth hesitated to attend the session, echoing the sentiments of countless trauma survivors, “Mahirap balikan ang trauma. Hesitant ako kasi baka iiyak na naman ako.” (It’s hard to reminisce about trauma. I was hesitant because [I’m afraid] I might cry again.) She candidly expressed, “Dahil nasa stage ako ng denial… alam ko na may pain. Pero when it comes to acceptance, nahihirapan ako. Yun ang rason ko bakit binigay ko ang sarili ko dito (Trauma Healing Program).” (Because I was in the stage of denial, I know that there is pain. But I’m having a hard time when it comes to acceptance. That’s the reason I gave myself to this.(Trauma Healing Program))
During one of the session breaks, Ruth courageously bared her emotional wounds, saying, “Sabi nila, ‘Move on from it!’ Hindi nila alam, kung meron mang gamot – kahit ma-overdose ako – mawala lang itong sakit.” (They say, ‘Move on from it!’ They didn’t know [that] if there’s a medicine for this, [I’d take it] even if I overdose just to make this pain go away!) She revealed how, for nearly two years, she had kept her pain locked away, stating, “Kinaya ko lahat. Sabi ko cut muna, wag muna yang drama-drama kasi hindi magkakaroon ng direksyon ang buhay ko.” (I endured everything. I told myself to cut it out, to avoid all that drama because my life wouldn’t have any direction.)
But as the session went on, she too walked on her journey of healing. “Yung lahat pala ng pain natin, the only way is to accept na nandito ka sa sitwasyon na ito. Wag mo talagang i-deny, and when you say na ‘i-accept mo,’ part yan ng process na umiyak ka… I realize na kailangan pala na you go through this process, kung kailangan mo mag-grieve the whole month, umiyak ka. It’s okay pala, not to be okay.” (All of our pain, it turns out that the only way [to release the pain] is to accept that you are in this situation. Don’t deny it. And when you say ‘accept it,’ part of the process is to cry… I realized that you actually need to go through this process, and if you need to grieve for the whole month, then cry. It’s okay [to] not to be okay.)
As the Trauma Healing Initial Equipping Session ended, Ruth described her experience by comparing the person she is now with the person she was before attending the session. “Before, I was in full denial. Ngayon, mas lighter talaga. And I know na talagang andiyan ang Diyos. And I thank God na through this session, na-recognize ko yung presence Niya–na hindi Niya pala ako iniwan. This time I have joy, the joy that God granted me today.” (Before, I was in full denial. Now, I feel much lighter. And I know that God is truly there. And I thank God that through this session, I recognized His presence–that He didn’t abandon me. This time I have joy, the joy that God granted me today.)
Ruth’s tears of pain were replaced with tears filled with joy. “Hindi ako umiiyak ngayon dahil sa pain, pero with all the happiness na He gave me the chance na maredirect yung aking dating nasa isip ko na ‘Ako lang, Ako lang’ and denial..” (I’m not crying now out of pain, but [out of overwhelming] happiness, because He gave me the chance to redirect my old way of thinking “I’m on my own, I’m on my own”, and being in denial.) She further added, “I thought na kaya kong mawala ang Panginoon sa buhay ko. Sabi ko kahapon nasa point of denial ako and because of that denial nagkakaroon ako ng anger until such today, nirelease ko lahat yung anger. Kagabi lang, I want to talk to my husband for the last time. Not to be with him again but to be reconciled with him.” (I thought that I could [live] without the Lord in my life. Yesterday, I said that I was at the point of denial; and, because of that denial, I had been angry until today, [when] I released all of it. Just last night, I [wanted] to talk to my husband for the last time—not to be with him again, but to be reconciled with him.)
We give back all the praise and glory to God for the healing He allowed Ruth to experience and for every life that He has healed through the Trauma Healing Program. No heart is beyond repair to our ever-present Heavenly Father! Praise the Lord!
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